My Celestial Family

Growing up I had a lot of aunts and uncles.  On my Dad's side of the family I had 7 uncles and 3 aunts.  My dad was the second oldest and his youngest brother has always been my best friend.  I was always a little jealous that I was just a cousin and not one of the "brothers".  My Grandpa died while Dad was on his mission, Dad left for his mission knowing it was likely his dad would die while he was gone.  My youngest uncle was not yet born when Grandpa died.  All of my uncles served missions, one of my aunts served a mission, the other two got married.  All in all my family was a text book Celestial family.  It was, in a word, perfect.


The Prodigal Daughter
My Aunt J served a mission.  She was always at family events, often she would organize the family event.  Everything was going just perfectly until a few years ago when most of the family found out she is lesbian.  I really haven't heard the entire story but I do know there was love and betrayal and in the end  Aunt J was back in town and no one wanted to say anything about what had happened.  Is that how the story of the prodigal son ended?

We do love you!  Really, we do!  Don't we?
I spoke to my Dad recently about how the family had responded to the news about Aunt J.  He is convinced the family is doing their best to make her feel welcome.  I asked him how welcome he would feel in someones home if they didn't let Mom come with him.  We spoke of the centurion who brought news of his dying man-servant to the savior.  Keep in mind there is a good chance the dying man-servant was the centurion's gay lover.  How did the Savior show His love?

Now when he had ended all his sayings in the audience of the people, he entered into Capernaum.  And a certain centurion’s servant, who was dear unto him, was sick, and ready to die.  And when he heard of Jesus, he sent unto him the elders of the Jews, beseeching him that he would come and heal his servant.  And when they came to Jesus, they besought him instantly, saying, That he was worthy for whom he should do this:  For he loveth our nation, and he hath built us a synagogue.  Then Jesus went with them. And when he was now not far from the house, the centurion sent friends to him, saying unto him, Lord, trouble not thyself: for I am not worthy that thou shouldest enter under my roof:  Wherefore neither thought I myself worthy to come unto thee: but say in a word, and my servant shall be healed.  For I also am a man set under authority, having under me soldiers, and I say unto one, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it.  When Jesus heard these things, he marvelled at him, and turned him about, and said unto the people that followed him, I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel.  And they that were sent, returning to the house, found the servant whole that had been sick.  -Luke 7:1-10

We obviously don't know for sure if the servant was the centurion's gay lover but whether he was or wasn't would Jesus have reacted any differently?  From my experience, showing love is about taking into account the needs of the person we love, not our own needs.

But what about the children?
As I spoke to my Dad about his sister one of the concerns was the children.  He and others in the family were concerned about condoning lesbianism in front of the children.  I feel that we are missing the forest for the trees.  Jesus said

Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.  And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.  -Matthew 22:37

We as a family have a wonderful opportunity to teach our children about the love of God.  Isn't this the most important principle we can teach our children.  Here we have a woman that has touched the lives of everyone in the family.  She has probably been to more baby blessings, baptisms, priesthood ordinations, talks, school activities, piano recitals, violin recitals, musical numbers, etc. than anyone else in the family.  She has traveled the world from Washington D.C. to Korea to spend time with her brothers, sisters, nieces, and nephews.  But she has also disappointed most of those people because she loves another woman.  She has not hurt anyone in any way other than being a disappointment.  I hope we can teach our children what love is.

And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.  Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—  But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.  -Moroni 7:45-47

There are no conditions to when we have charity, when we show love.  We do not need to worry about whether or not we are condoning someone's actions by showing them love.  It is a greater concern to me whether we teach our children to love others.  Let God judge, all we need to do is show love to those around us.

My disciples, in days of old, sought occasion against one another and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were afflicted and sorely chastened.  Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.  I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.  And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds.  -D&C 64:8-11

Like I said, we have a wonderful opportunity to teach our children to love.  Aunt J has not done any actual harm to anyone because she is lesbian.  Let's not teach our children the opposite of love.  By not welcoming her and her loved one into our homes we are teaching intolerance, mistrust, alienation, and hate.  What do our children do if they are the ones going through a difficult time in their lives in which they aren't living the way you want them to live?  Will they feel they can come to you to share their burdens?  Or will they fear your judgement and scorn?  What will you teach them?

But really, what about the children?
There are homosexual teenagers in the LDS community.  They don't feel accepted.  Some of them are killing themselves because they can see no way out.  I will no longer be silent.  There are others that will no longer be silent.

"Some extraordinary things take place every time a parent or a sibling has the courage to resist the politics of silence. My first example of this comes from the Matis family. In March 2000, after the suicide of Stuart, his brother Bill sent a letter to The Daily Universe. Part of the letter reads, "To those who feel that my brother was no better than a murderer or an adulterer, I would like to say that the murderer and adulterer choose to be what they are. My brother didn't choose to be homosexual any more than you or I chose the color of our skin. Many who knew him say that he was one of the most Christ-like people they had ever met. He was a son, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin and true friend." 

My second example comes from David and Carlie Hardy, who are the parents of a gay son. One evening in 1997, while their son agonized over a Seminary lesson on Sodom and Gomorrah, their stake president reassured the mother, "If we just keep it quiet... it will all be just fine, trust me . . ." That same evening this son slit his wrists in his room at home. Fortunately the son survived. And even though their stake president wanted them to "keep it quiet," the Hardys refused to be accomplices in the politics of silence. They went public with their son's story and, in the process, they became powerful advocates against intolerance and homophobia, touching the lives of many people."  -Quoted from, "A Witness Sealed with Blood: Gay Mormon Suicides and the Politics of Silence" by Hugo Salinas http://www.affirmation.org/suicide_info/witness_sealed_with_blood.shtml

Do we have to wait for it to be one of your nephews or nieces, brothers or sisters to reach this point before we will look at what we are teaching our children?  If we are truly Latter-day Saints there should not be any Mormon kids committing suicide because they are homosexual.  These kids need guidance, love, and compassion, they need to learn about sex and sexuality from a loving community.  This is not something to hide from and be silent about.  We also need to accept that not everyone wants to live a celibate life.  However, I do believe our teenagers need to learn what some of the real life consequences of their decisions are.  They should be taught to wait to share their sexuality with the person they love.  Just because you are homosexual does not mean you can't also have sexual boundaries.  We need to teach those boundaries, to both heterosexual kids and homosexual kids.

She loves the Church
My Aunt J loves the church.  We are doing my aunt and thousands like her a great disservice by not welcoming them into our church, our homes, and our lives.  Joseph Smith was willing to question and break down traditions.  We need to be willing to take an honest look at the issues of homosexuality.  Is it really a sin to love someone?  Sex is a physical demonstration of the love you have for another, do we really need to make it into something more than that?  We argue that it goes against the plan of salvation, that they won't have children to seal to them.  Just take a moment to put yourself in their shoes.  They don't want to marry someone from the opposite sex, there is no desire to do so.  The options are not to either have a same sex relation or have an opposite sex relation.  The options are either a same sex relation outside the church or no relation at all.  We are not thwarting the Plan of Salvation by allowing homosexuals to feel comfortable living with their loved one.  The Plan of Salvation as it is currently taught does not work for homosexuals.  What harm is there in allowing for a homosexual couple to marry?  Who does it harm?  What harm is there in allowing a homosexual couple to adopt children?  There is a television program called 30 days, it is available on Netflix and in Season 3 Episode 4 an LDS woman spends 30 days living with two gay men and the 4 children they adopted.  It's eye opening to see how close minded the woman is but it is also eye opening to see how much better it is for children to be in a loving home than it is for them to be in a foster home.  Again, the options for many of these kids are not between a heterosexual couple adopting them or a homosexual couple adopting them.  For many of these kids it is either a homosexual couple adopting them or being moved from foster home to group home and never having any parents.  What would you prefer?

The idea that we can control others by forcing them to live by our moral standards is not the Plan of Salvation.  It sounds a lot more like this:

Behold, here am I, send me, I will be thy son, and I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it; wherefore give me thine honor. -Moses 4:1

We need to be careful that in our quest to preserve the sanctity of marriage we attempt to follow Lucifer's plan.  By the way, what is this sacred thing we call a marriage license?

"In the United States prior to the 1700s, marriages were primarily a responsibility of local churches with marriages registered only with the state. By the latter part of the 19th century, states began to "nullify common-law marriages and exert more control over who was allowed to marry," says Stephanie Coontz in a 2007 "New York Times" article. The primary reason for government control of marriage licenses remains for vital statistics recording and continues as a source of revenue for local and state governments.
Read more: The History of Marriage Licenses | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_6644194_history-marriage-licenses.html

So this sacred marriage license we are fighting to protect from homosexual marriage was primarily started as a way for local and state governments to make more money.  Obviously this is a moral issue.

My Solution

There are a lot of issues to address.  First and foremost at a personal level I will welcome my Aunt J and her girlfriend into my home.  I will teach my children to love all people not just those that look and act like they do.  I would hope my family will do the same.  The church should take a step back and look at the harm they are causing to many members of the church.  It is not just affecting those that are homosexual but every one of us.  The church is engaged in teaching  intolerance, mistrust, alienation, and hate.  I realize the church couches all their statements in love but the harsh reality is that they are teaching intolerance.  Leave the judgement to God.  I hope and pray that the prophet will hear and listen to the voices of the members of the church being harmed and to the voice of God in showing love and compassion to all of God's children.  I want my family to be a perfect and Celestial family but I don't think we can until we accept Aunt J and her girlfriend Aunt D into our homes and our lives with open arms.

Who do you serve?

Growing up in the church you repeatedly get the Primary, YM/YW, Sunday School, Relief Society, and/or Priesthood lesson about Matthew 6:24 "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."


So who do you serve?

Imagine Terry is a high powered executive at an advertising firm.  What if Terry, as a practicing Mormon is asked to represent an abortion activist organization.  If Terry doesn't represent it they may fire Terry and Terry will have a hard time getting a job with another company, Terry's reputation will be damaged.  However,  Terry could get a job somewhere and while making an above average living  Terry would be making significantly less money.   Terry feels that representing this organization is against both  Terry's religion and  Terry's personal views about abortion (say this company is for very late term abortions, this post really isn't about abortion.  We could use any moral issue that is particular to Mormonism as an example.) What should  Terry do?*


Who does your church serve?

The Official Declaration 1 says, "And I now publicly declare that my advice to the Latter-day Saints is to refrain from contracting any marriage forbidden by the law of the land."  Essentially as long as it is against the law of the land, the church would stop performing plural marriages.  It in no way says that the doctrine of plural marriages changes.

Imagine the church introduces the gospel to members of a country where polygamy is not only legal it is common.  Is there any reason for the church to force would be members to give up their plural wives?  Why is it that according to D. Michael Quinn in his interview in the 1995 Salt Lake Sunstone Symposium, he asserts that the Church is breaking up families and forcing them to enter into monogamous relationships when those relationships are currently polygamous?  Here is an excerpt from his interview.  (I suggest listening starting at 1:08:35.)

"We have committed cultural genocide, we have committed familiacide in Sub-Saharan Africa. We have broken up stable polygamous families, or we have denied polygamous families the opportunity of the gospel if they will not abandon polygamy.  This is an outrage in my view."**(Beginning at 1:10:00)

So I have to ask, why is it the church will not let these families join in Polygamous relationships?  Has the doctrine changed?  No.  Did President Woodruff say that as long as polygamy was against the law of Utah or the United States?  No.  Is the church trying to be accepted as a "Christian" church?  Yes.  Would promoting polygamous marriage look bad to "Christian" churches?  Yes.  Would it make Mormonism look strange to a lot of people?  Yes.  Is it a bad PR move?  Yes.  So the choices are to obey the doctrine and allow polygamous marriages where it is not against the law or to disobey the doctrine and give in to the PR department.  Who do you serve?  God or the public opinion?  Is the church actually disobeying a commandment of God just because it is worried about how the world will think of it?

My solution.

If the church's doctrine includes polygamy, then it should allow these members to keep their families in tact and enjoy the blessings many of our ancestors enjoyed while living the commandment.  If the church's doctrine has changed, then make it official.  Let me see the revelation from God that changes the commandment.  Otherwise I have to believe the church is guilty of obeying Mammon before obeying God.





*Did you imagine Terry in the story above was male or female?  Think about why it was one or the other.

**Source: Mormon Stories Episode 267 which is a rebroadcast from the 1995 Salt Lake Sunstone Symposium. Entitled, “The Church Years: Michael Quinn, History, and the Mormon World View,” it includes Dr. Martha Sonntag Bradley interviewing D. Michael Quinn about his life as a Mormon church historian.